I'm thankful for so many things in life. My family, my friends and the fleeting solitude I immerse myself into every once in awhile. I'm thankful for the light in my eyes and the warmth of my breath. For every second of happiness I encounter, is a second I keep close to home.

Aging is inevitable. Growing is well be it a choice.

I'm leaving for college yet my mind is still hung up on an ideal childhood I would rather live in.

I question the path I'm on often, is this what I really want? Aren't my dreams out there, uncertain and in a realm of probabilities?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Where ever life takes me, I'll be sure to always be thankful.

The last time I've written and published anything on this blog was 4 years ago.
4 years ago, with my mind in a frenzy and my thoughts suffocating me, I wouldn't think I'd make it this far.

But I did.

4 years and here I am, successfully graduated from High School, the place I dreaded most, and a few fleeting months away from enrolling into College.

Honestly, everything seems surreal. I still have a hard time convincing myself that I'm eighteen. The big Eighteen. An age most people deem filled with responsibilities. I've yet shouldered any form of responsibility. In fact, I still have a hard time taking care of my well-being be it mentally or physically.

But I'm coping.

And honestly it's all that matters at the moment. 4 years and I'm still here.

Dark days...days in which you've completely lost yourself. Given up on hope or life in general. When the things you think of are usually thoughts to end everything permanently.

I'm glad that I've finally overcame that phase. I'm glad I gotten help and was open for change.

Life is far from perfect, I wouldn't say I'm content with life cos let's be real, there's always something that's gonna basically fuck everything up at one point of time. I still struggle, I still question most things in life. Sometimes I just wish everything would go away for a day. But atleast I'm laughing more often now.

Have you ever felt so guilty about something that had happened in the past?

You try to get over it, to forget all about it and be a better person or atleast try?

But one day, you come across a quote or maybe a story or a movie or a photo that jogs all your past regrets and memories and you sat yourself momentarily, in silence?

I still have no will to forgive myself. I was so blunt, so foolish, so daft.

November. A month I've longed for. I can't believe the year is coming to an end. I can't help but to look back at all of the things that had happened. It's quite disheartening to relish the thoughts of no longer having people that i thought would be there for me but maybe this is part of growing up; Changes.

I believe I've been spending my time trying to discover myself. I wouldn't say I've blossomed into a better person, but i think I've developed a consistency in which i look at things in a different perspective.

Change is inevitable. Things have changed, I have changed, and to be quite frank, I've never been more delighted to have my surroundings and myself shredding into something different.